After my last relationship, I decided I needed to work on myself before I started dating again. When People say you need to love yourself before loving others they are telling the truth. This experience has thought me a lot.
#1 I DEFINE MY SELF WORTH
In my past relationships, I would let a guy decide how I felt about myself. Especially when you have been in a bad relationship it’s hard to have all your self-worth tied to this one guy. The guys I have dated in the past would know that they could guilt me into doing things I didn’t want because they would say I was a bad person, ugly, didn’t care enough about others…
Because I was afraid of being taken advantage of in different ways I decided I couldn’t date for some time. At the time I wasn’t aware of this at all. To me, I was just being a good girlfriend. Now looking back I definitely can see it wasn’t healthy at all.
#2 LEARNING TO BE ALONE
I feel like dating was something I did not to be alone. Dating was just a way to avoid being alone with myself because I didn’t like who I was. I would stay in relationships to avoid sitting with my own thoughts. After some time of being on my own, I started going out and doing things.
Even if I am still single I have learned that going to a restaurant and sitting alone is okay. There’s truly nothing wrong with it at all. And learning to accept and reflect on my own thoughts and learning what I like has thought me what I want in the future.
#3 IT’S OKAY TO SAY NO
I am someone who loves to say yes to people. To me, it’s so important to see others happy that I sometimes forget my own needs. And in my past relationship, it was something my ex used to get what he wanted when he wanted.
So when I decided to be single I started saying no to things and people. If I didn’t want to go out. I would just say no and a big weight was lifted off my shoulder. It was like I felt really free to be myself and do the things I wanted.
#4 DON’T CHANGE YOURSELF
This is something I have done in so many relationships and looking back I feel so stupid for doing so. I would try to dumb myself down to make the guy feel better about himself.
Even in friendships, I used to try to make myself look stupid so I would be accepted. I remember in the beggining of my last relationship my ex-boyfriend used to tell me that I should stop acting smarter or better than him. Honestly, I wasn’t acting in any way or trying to be better. I love reading books and I am a massive nerd and he hated that about me. So I would read books when he wasn’t around and when he came I would act like I couldn’t do anything
This is something I would never do again for any guy or friendship. I am who I am and I am a massive nerd that loves learning and this is just my personality. I am not trying to act like I am better than anyone and I would never date someone who doesn’t accept me for me again.
#5 GOOD GUYS EXIST
After a bad relationship, it’s hard to believe that a good person can be out there. And I was one of those people that didn’t believe that anything good could happen to me. I thought I needed to settle down with someone who I didn’t love because I would never find anyone againµ.
Although I am still single at the moment I have met so many nice people. Now that I am ready to date again I feel like there is some hope. And not every guy is going to take advantage of me. It took me some time to come to terms with the fact that not every guy is like my exes. But now I can see that everyone is different.